there are many things in life that are important to me, especially those people that i love. most of the time they are just there filling up time and space in your life. feeling like they are supposed to be there and will always be there. not really paying them much attention or time, until they are no longer there. the little things you do that can make such a huge difference, but you never did it, until it's too late. complaining and pushing the blame, thinking that they are a hindrance and a dread. wishing that you are the one that will be gone; wishing that you did the things you should have done; wishing that you said the things that you should have said, when they are gone.

growing up is so painful. i wish i can turn back the time. go back to the time when i had no worries, no pain, no lost. as the days go by, people around me start leaving this world. i never truly knew what lost was back then. misplacing a toy is the greatest lost to me in those days. this is nothing to me now. the pain and hurt of losing someone so dear and close to me. the only one in the world that i dare to say i love him without holding back. the one i dote endlessly. the only one who truly understands me. is leaving me in a few days time. going to a world i cant go. to a place i hope he will be happy, and i know he will. because he's happy.

life is cruel. how many times must i go through this cycle? i dont know if i can do it again. losing your best friend after every decade. how many heartbreaks can my heart take before i break down? yet, a part of me acknowledged the truth. it is inevitable for me. it wouldnt take long before another cycle begins.

maybe it's my fault. i know it's going to happen at the end of the whole thing but i thought i will be brave enough to face it. i did it once, and i assumed i could do it again. no... i didnt make assumptions, i can do it. but yet it's just a false front, people will never know the pain i feel. because they are not watching their best friend dying of kidney failure and just stand there, unable to save him. watching him suffer is so painful, i dont want to go home, dont want to think about him. it makes me cry.

there are many things in life that are important to me, especially those people that i love. most of the time they are just there filling up time and space in your life. feeling like they are supposed to be there and will always be there. not really paying them much attention or time, until they are no longer there. the little things you do that can make such a huge difference, but you never did it, until it's too late. complaining and pushing the blame, thinking that they are a hindrance and a dread. wishing that you are the one that will be gone; wishing that you did the things you should have done; wishing that you said the things that you should have said, when they are gone.

growing up is so painful. i wish i can turn back the time. go back to the time when i had no worries, no pain, no lost. as the days go by, people around me start leaving this world. i never truly knew what lost was back then. misplacing a toy is the greatest lost to me in those days. this is nothing to me now. the pain and hurt of losing someone so dear and close to me. the only one in the world that i dare to say i love him without holding back. the one i dote endlessly. the only one who truly understands me. is leaving me in a few days time. going to a world i cant go. to a place i hope he will be happy, and i know he will. because he's happy.

life is cruel. how many times must i go through this cycle? i dont know if i can do it again. losing your best friend after every decade. how many heartbreaks can my heart take before i break down? yet, a part of me acknowledged the truth. it is inevitable for me. it wouldnt take long before another cycle begins.

maybe it's my fault. i know it's going to happen at the end of the whole thing but i thought i will be brave enough to face it. i did it once, and i assumed i could do it again. no... i didnt make assumptions, i can do it. but yet it's just a false front, people will never know the pain i feel. because they are not watching their best friend dying of kidney failure and just stand there, unable to save him. watching him suffer is so painful, i dont want to go home, dont want to think about him. it makes me cry.